Beach Meadows Beach, Brooklyn, Nova Scotia.
This post as been twisting and tangling in my head for over a year an a half. And sitting here typing, I’d be fooling myself if I said that it is any more ordered than yesterday, or 6 weeks ago, or 6 mos. But, amidst the tangling, I hear my father’s voice, “You can’t wait until you know exactly what you are going to write, you just have to sit down and do it. That’s what makes someone a writer, doing it everyday.”
I suppose that means that sometimes the untangling only happens when we take a step, any step in any direction. But what if that step only leads us to further entanglement? But? What if?
I know when the tangling began at least. I woke up one day and was unsure of what I wanted the blog to be. I’d been nursing a first quiet, then growing louder, sense that it wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t put my finger on what was off. In a world where people have no choice but to filter through endless information and sensory experiences, what did I have to write about that wasn’t a repetition of what is already out there? What could truly be worthy of air time? Was it possible to create a space on the internet where people could delve more deeply with consciousness into their own lives, rather than just point and click their way to the next “5 automatic steps to insert-dream-outcome-here?”
This was also the time when I was having a lot of conversations with myself and others about authenticity in blogging. What is the balance between being honest without insensitively airing one’s inner life all over cyberspace? What does a blog look like that has “roses” and “thorns,” and still cultivates hope, inspiration and self reflection, rather than acting as a selfish pressure release valve?
Beyond that I began to really question how I could bring to a diverse population the gifts of an anthroposophical home. Is it possible to speak concisely and accessibly of anthroposophy and Christianity to non-anthroposophists and non-Christians without causing them to retreat? Because, let’s face it, some of it is pretty far out there. Does one cease to speak of it at all and opt to translate? Or does this take away a necessary voice and the freedom of the recipient of the information?
All of these questions coincided with Mattheus going through “the change of teeth” a developmental shift frequently referred to in Waldorf circles that results in a child being less connected to home and parents and more ready to step into a larger community circle. Knowing he would be letting go of the apron strings and going off to first grade made me acutely aware that I was sharing my children’s lives on the web for all to see. I began to wonder what it would be like for them to grow up surrounded by people who knew things about them that they had not chosen to share themselves. What degree of openness was I comfortable with, and when was I crossing the line into violating my children’s privacy?
The answers to some of these questions are slowly forming in my head, but are not fully baked. So, here’s what I hope you will see in the coming months around here. Regular articles: the return of “These Ordinary Things” on Mondays, and another entry on Thursdays. A new title and site name. Some reorganizing of the regular pages (I’ve started tackling the About section) And the rest, my friends, well, you will just have to wait to find out.
I look forward to reconnecting with all of you and building new connections in the coming months!